Atma-Prema. Unconditional self love
Far too often when someone mentions those two infamous words “Self-Love” our british upper lip stiffens and we recoil for the thought of self-indulgence, those scary narcissists and the frivolity of it! Goodness me... spending time on simply loving yourself? Preposterous! Hold up! Just before you run for the self-loveless-hills, let’s take a moment to really delve into what we mean in the purest, most natural and simplistic form.
Self-love is the unconditional compassion, love and respect you have for yourself that is innate. It is pure and true, you are born with unconditional love for yourself.
In Ayurveda we are repeatedly reminded that we are the microcosm of the macrocosm that is the world. We are a mirror that reflects our world truthfully. In the body, when the seasons change so too do we. When the moon is at the fullest, we all feel the powerful effect it has on us. And so our inner world, our mind or manas, will be projected in the world around us. When we are filled with love, we find that there is love permeating all around us.
Fill yourself with such pure divine love and light, that it spills out into the world around you. For when you reach such a place those you surround yourself with will also feel such love. How many times have you met someone who lifts you up, for no other reason than the light they bring in their presence? We are all like this in our most natural state. Only the world gives us layers to carry, that at once we willingly wore as shields but quickly form the same barriers that hold us back. Let them go. Trust yourself.
Achieving true self-love has been made slightly complicated in this modern world. We constantly fight our ego in a battle of authentic self-image on social media. We have busy lives. Parents, full-time workers, carers, friends, support workers… there is always an excuse to not make time for yourself. Comparison, feelings of unworthiness or the-grass-is-greener effect. All these things, and many more, can prevent us from practicing self-love. And yes, it does take practice. Especially when it no longer comes naturally.
On this note, I would like to share some simple practices for this month of love that can help guide you on this journey. One that will not only bring greater self-love, but also to those around you.
Care for the body. The grossest part of ourselves, the Annamaya Kosha. The physical body.
Every single body is beautifully unique. Care for it, as it is uniquely asking to be cared for. Practice yoga, go for a walk, go for a cycle ride with your loved ones… rest and energise the body your soul resides within.
Clean yourself. Have a long bubble bath, practice a self-oil massage before a shower, or simply take a little extra attention to a daily routine. Use your neti pot, scrape your tongue, dry brush your body… a clean body is a loved one.
A few others: eat clean, healthy and nutritious food at the right time of day that is right for your body. Listen to it, your body will talk to you if you pay attention and listen. Eat when hungry and only to 60% capacity, that’s all you need. Drinks lots of water (preferably room temperature).
Care for the mind. The Manomaya Kosha. The mental body.
Try practicing meditation. Quieten a busy mind and free it from the tiresome tasks of thinking or overthinking. Single point focus meditation, guided meditation, breathwork or even cyclical meditation are all wonderful tools to help you achieve this.
Traditionally in Ayurveda, care of the Manas or Manomaya Kosha, involves stripping back and quieting the senses e.g. Mauna, noble silence. However, I would like to offer an alternative. Mindful or conscious stimulation of your senses… choosing carefully and delicately the things that invigorate or indulge, without going to any extremes. Maybe burning incense, eating a few indulgent choccies (just a few!), turning down the lights and burning a candle, steaming with essential oils or even playing melodic music… go on. Indulge yourself a little.
Care for the bliss body. The Anandamaya Kosha. The sublest part of ourselves. Pure joy.
Deep within us, before we reach our truest self, the Atman, there is a layer that surrounds us. The Anandamaya Kosha. This is pure bliss and joy. It is unchanging and ever present, it just is often hidden by other layers. When we tap into this state we are in full immersion of experience, no thought or chatty mind, just pure experience and blissful awareness.
For this we are told three things: to do Seva which is selfless service, which opens our heart to the unity of other beings; Bhakti yoga which is devotion to God (in whichever form this essence figure means to you), which opens our heart to the divinity; and Samadhi, which is intensely focused meditation that opens our heart to the divine being.
Aside from the seriousness that is taking care of yourself, there is also a lot to be said for showing your talent, passion and creativity love too! Be silly and let your hair down. Have a solo dance party, do a zoom cacao ceremony, sing your favourite guilty pleasure song loud in the shower, draw, hula hoop, skateboard, go winter dippin… ENJOY YOURSELF. Just be you and flow with it.
Self-awareness is self-love
One of the simplest and very first step towards truly understanding what it means to self-love, is to begin with awareness. Draw focus to yourself. Pay it some attention. Listen to your body. Become aware of the movement of the mind. Practice observing your own reactions and emotions. Draw a focus to the inner wisdom. Take this awareness and shed light on all that you have to be grateful for. This body that feeds and nourishes you, it is a vessel to carry you wherever you wish to go. It engages with others, communicates your thoughts, cries your tears and laughs with your joy. Show it love. Self-love.
“Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate that which they already have.”
Buddha
At your centre is an essence of pure love and creation. It is innate. You were born with it and will never leave. It is you, and you are it. Just as you are the world, and the world is you. Tap into this beautiful loving energy and bathe in it’s light. It will radiate from you as the sun does for us each day.